Wednesday, May 18, 2005

More Penis Day: Whizz Takes the Fifth

Well! Our intrepid friend has had his day on the Hill.

It seems likely the Hill got wind of the Whizz after this athlete got caught with one at the airport.

Smith back on field after 'Whizzinator' incident
http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/3619596?CMP=OTC-K9B140813162&ATT=5

Which quite possibly pissed off lots of would-be whizzers out there. The word got out in a big way. Not so easy to sneak your Whizzinator about now, is it?

But our Original Founder and Company Owner - may I call him Mr. Whizz? - stood firm! Stood tall and proud! And pled the Fifth!

Whereupon he whizzed right out of the House, onto his plane, and back to California. I mean, the man made tracks. Grinning all the way.

The Whizzinator: A House Panel's No. 1 Priority
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/05/17/AR2005051701601.html

The Washington Post found some humor in all this. But The Star Tribune, Minneapolis, didn't seem to. They spent more time reporting on the Whizz's serious dangers than the Post did. Like nuclear worries, and such.

Sellers of Whizzinator kits take the Fifth
http://www.startribune.com/stories/587/5409240.html

Not that all penis fans - or penises - want to remain mute. Some prefer to exercise their First Amendment rights loud and clear, and leave the Fifth behind.

Five year old talking penis case to appeal…
http://www.indexonline.org/en/indexindex/articles/2005/2/united-states-five-year-old-talking-penis-ca.shtml

Here's a good judge who understands that Freedom of Speech includes art. This one put me in mind of a naughty email pic a female friend sent me. It was a bouquet, a cornucopia of penises in all their infinite variety and splendor, every size, shape, color you can imagine...

Prosecutor drops obscenity charges
http://www.casperstartribune.net/news/wyoming/d5868bc9e1703ed08725700400003d89.txt

Which reminded me that a couple days back, I myself really didn't honor Penis ("The Beautiful") Day the way our upstanding friend deserves. Fell down on the job, I did. Time to make up for that. (Besides, my bioparents are in Germany, and I'd sure like to get this posted before they come back and read it.)

So I surfed. A small surf. To my sorrow, I saw way too much material on...***sigh***...that sad refrain called I Don't Think Mine's Big Enough. And I Don't Care What You Say.

I mean, there's even a magazine devoted to nothing but penis enlargement! Website and all!
http://www.penisenlargementmagazine.net/

Many of us ladies know better. For some of us, even your average 6"-er can be painful. If you're not built to handle it why is it supposed to be better??? Dick contests aren't for chicks, they're between guys. OW!

Even The Look matters more when it comes to attractiveness. And that's no body parts at all, really; it ain't nothing but touching with the eyes.

Sizing Up That 'Look of Love'
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=97&ncid=97&e=3&u=/hsn/20050421/hl_hsn/sizingupthatlookoflove

This is for real: It ain't the meat, it's the motion. And those few guys who actually do fall below that 6" business? I'm here to tell you, on "average," they're far better lovers than that average. They know what to do with our complicated parts.

And hearts.

Since, in the wise words of this Thai official:

"Sex satisfaction does not depend on penis size, but it involves love and mutual understanding," the ministry said.
Size-obsessed Thai men warned on penis injections
http://story.news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050513/od_nm/life_thailand_penis_dc

As our Thai friend probably knows, honesty is good, too.

Impotent ex-husband must pay damages
http://story.news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050512/od_nm/odd_italy_impotent_dc

OTOH, we ourselves ought to watch it if we get a bit overexcited. Lest we hear, you BROKE it!

This ruling leaves lover more than broken hearted
http://www.indexonline.org/en/indexindex/articles/2005/2/united-states-five-year-old-talking-penis-ca.shtml

That poor guy may have been safer if he'd read this first.

6 Ways To Get Her To Go Down On You More Often
http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_100/119_love_secrets.html

Since we're on the subject of the Proper Care and Feeding...including grooming, IMO...They really do grow up fast, and this one may take a while to forgive his dad spreading the word. You think those buck-naked on a blanket baby pix the parents take to humiliate us are bad?

McCORMACK'S SON PAINTS PENIS
http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/mccormacks%20son%20paints%20penis

Just when I was thinking, "Gee, that was nice; there's not so much lighthearted penis stuff out there. I mean, whatever happened to Mr. Happy?," I realized that that selfsame penis enlargement magazine had a special section that's right up my alley. A bonanza! Lovely fun penis stuff left and right!

WEIRD AND FUNNY PENIS NEWS AND ARTICLES
http://www.penisenlargementmagazine.net/penis-news.php

Naturally, I chose to duplicate the list of links. What's a good quest without sharing one's finds? Freely. Easily. I know you could go to the site, but now you can just click here instead. Or simply admire this fine collection of titles.

Indian Doctor Loses Job Over Penis Enlargement
Man Gets 13 Million for Fried Penis
Penis Piercing Parents Face Up to 10 Years in Prison
Blowjobs in the Name of the Law
Peruvian Man Cuts Off Testicle
German Penises Can't Fill the Average Condom
Man Finds Human Penis in Bottle of Fruit Punch
Teenager Grows New Penis on Arm
Woman Helps Take a Bite Out of Crime
India Moves to Measure Its Average Penis Size
Girl Sticks It To Her Boyfriend
Penis Puppeteers Wanted
Earwigs Possess "Standby" Penis
Bogus Penis Enlargement Surgery in Thailand
Dutch Penis Blooms After 13 Years
Martial Experts Demonstrate Kung Fu Penis
Wedding Reception Bites for Bridegroom
Man's Penis Was Spellbound by Witch's Presence
Florida Men Arrested for "Discussing" Penile Implant
Is That a Hamster in Your Pocket?
Man Severs Penis in Bizarre Religious Movement
How Much Is Your Penis Worth?
Penis Ice Sculpture Gets a Rise Out of Residents
Up the Creek With a Paddle and Two Buoys
Archeologists Expose "Drinking Penis" at Museum
Man Charged With De-Stiffing Stiff
Wall Street Journal Interviewee Boasts of His Penis Enlargment
An Ovary is Worth a Testicle
Russian Woman Blows Chance for Breakfast in Bed
Penis Show Has Swansea People Scared Stiff
Man Accuses Surgeon of Improper Penile Implant Installation
Man's Dream of a Bigger Penis is a Bit of a Stretch
Severed Penises... An Art Form?
Fraternity Hazing Results in Testical Removal
Testicle Removal for Minor Felons?
Navy Vet Receives Taxpayer-Funded Penile Implant
A Gay "Lorena Bobbitt"?
Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes You Don't
Angry Mother-in-Law Goes For the Scrotum
Judge Rules that Scrotum is a "Sex Organ"
Man Suffers Nasty Scrotum Injury in Industrial "Accident"
Student "Salutes" School With Screensaver
Coffin Maker Puts Penis a Cut Above the Rest
Hard Times Fall Upon Rocking Horse in Norway
Truck Driver Files Lawsuit for Defective Penile Implant
Penis Re-Attachment is Big in Thailand
Germ Could Give Men a G'Day With Their Mate
A Strong Warning Against Drinking and Gambling
Just Call Him "Stumpy"
More Tales From the Fake Penis Front
Scratching Himself in Contempt


And finally - last, but absolutely not least - I didn't want to make Her feel left out. Ever. Since girls just want to have fun.

On the origin of orgasms in women
Not evolution -- 'for fun,' expert says
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/05/17/MNGTECQ4L81.DTL&feed=rss.news

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