FEMA Was Here

FEMA stopped by on 11/21/05.

In the person of its contractor representative, Dave.

Dave was an interesting guy. He's visiting from a small town in Oklahoma, where he's the fire chief and paramedic. As it turns out, his wife was a fellow bankbuster. She was on 200 Oklahoma takeovers in the late 80's. He even knew who FSLIC was.

He didn't know what MRSA was. Seemed odd for a paramedic not to know that.

Altogether, though, we got on just fine.

He's a big advocate of colloidal silver. (I showed him my jar of Silvadene.) --And, he says, --Check out ALC, from grapeseed oil, which he thinks may have the same antibiotic action as the silver. Also, bee pollen can be really good for superallergics.

Actually, I've heard that some recent studies back the bee pollen thing up. By a different name, perhaps.

Dave said he had a cow once whose throat glands got swollen like two cantaloupes. The vet said they'd have to go in and drain them surgically. Instead, Dave gave her colloidal silver water for 5 days, and in that short time she was right as rain.

He told me he mixed up 5 gallons of it for Y2K, because who knew what was going to happen?

He'd already told me to have my driver's license, Citizens' windstorm insurance declaration page, and receipts for air purifiers ready if I wanted to speed up the process. Yo. Couldn't find the dec page. A mortgage statement did the trick; it was only to prove ownership.

I'd been looking for air purifiers - not to mention funds to buy them - for some time. I had to have them paid for and on hand by the time he arrived a few hours after the appointment setter called. Oh, lucky. None at Sam's still, but Walmart finally had them again. Bank account be damned.

Now, just so you know, I'm not a person who looks at this FEMA stuff as, --I'm Entitled! Give Me Bucks!

But broke and sick and hurricane-hit as I am, if there's a legitimate government avenue of help in place for me, I'll probably explore it. Having one's life in tatters and not doing all you can to rebuild it is not civically responsible. IMO.

And I really did want to see FEMA in action, just once in my life. I wanted that experience.

Food? Yeah, eventually I lost a bunch. He said, Call Red Cross. FEMA gives the food money to them. Didn't I go to the Emergency Food Stamp lines, where 25,000 people a day applied for around $170-$500, depending on family size? --No. Dade had a Disabled People drive-through lane, only a few hours long too. But Broward didn't. I can't walk well, much less stand. So no go. --Tell the Red Cross about that.

Camp stove? Propane? Charcoal and lighter fluid? Bleach?

No dice.

Immunocompromised people who are carriers of two dangerous germs need bleach, especially when there's lots of contaminants growing and no hot water to bathe in and no dishwasher to sterilize your plates and things.

No dice.

We went over the hurricane damage, outside to inside, room by room. He entered these things in his computer. FEMA also does direct reimbursements for certain emergency type items: generators, air purifiers, like that.

On Day 8, our 1000-watt inverter blew out. We had to replace it, which cost $210 at Home Depot for a 2500-watt one - the smallest available. We thought it would be reimbursed, since generators are on that FEMA list, as long as you purchase them when the electricity is actually out.

But it's not reimbursable, because technically it's not an actual generator. Even if he wanted to try, the computer wouldn't accept it. (Of course, it would have if he'd just called it a generator. Which, rumor has it, most other FEMA reps do.)

The air purifiers would be reimbursed. Like generators, they'd be reimbursed using an Area Average rather than actual cost. The generator average - which I wouldn't get - was around $700-$800. He didn't say what the air purifier one was.

The trees that fell on the house damaged the roof but didn't actually puncture it. No immediate leaks, no problem. No FEMA help. Dave did advise getting the damage fixed ASAP because it was clearly damaged and would leak down the line, no doubt.

Of course, every roofer in the SE is extremely occupied just now. And most everyone else with a similar roof case got it OK'd for a FEMA reimbursement. Hmmm.

When my windows busted, I lost furniture to water damage. Not flood, but the wind-driven rain that blew into the office and dining room. That furniture is piled up on my swale now. Wet upholstery in Florida molds up almost instantly. Superallergics shouldn't keep moldy furniture in their house, any more than regular healthy humans should.

The ruined electronics were items I didn't think FEMA was interested in any more than my downed fences - this isn't insurance, it's assistance for needs. Furniture is something FEMA regards as Stuff a Person Needs.

But none of it counted. Here's why:

My front office/guest bedroom was not occupied as a bedroom on Hurricane Day, since I had no guests. That means it Doesn't Count. Also, the rollaway bed that got wet? FEMA felt I should have simply pulled it away from the window and then dried it out.

Personally, I was more interested in dodging flying glass and ironing boards at the time, and then boarding that window to save the house. Once breached, the whole building can go. That would have cost FEMA a lot more. Besides, the rain soaked the couch instantly, when the window broke. It's a hurricane. It blows the rain in really fast. That's what a hurricane does.

I pulled other stuff away - like the far more important TV in front of the window (my recovery-news source), sitting on a little cabinet that holds thousands of dollars' worth of my meds - those 72 hours of meds you're supposed to have on hand. But the couch was already a goner the minute the window broke.

And dry it? With what? No electricity means no fans. I wasn't going to waste my clean rags on that either, not when they were needed for even worse things. You hoard your clean rags. Especially when FPL says you'll stay without power for a month. See, there's really no good way to wash those rags once they get dirty.

Too bad. Wilma was considered a Wind Hurricane not a Rain Hurricane.

Okay. What about the 5 pieces of furniture in the dining room?

Nope. See, it was living room furniture, being used to make the room sort of a library as we rehab and shuffle rooms around. It has to be dining room furniture in the dining room or It Doesn't Count.

What if it's a library not a dining room? Naw. Libraries aren't Needed. Bedrooms and dining rooms are. Utility rooms only if the roof actually caves in.

I mulled all this over and asked, Is this stuff because of those people in Dade last year, putting garden hoses through the window to wreck their furniture and make a fraudulent claim? When they didn't even get hurricane winds?

Yep.

Okay.

There's always a reason for government illogic, if you know how to think like them.

Medical.

The glass cuts on Hurricane Day? No dice. I didn't go to the ER because the news folks said they were all closed for lack of electricity. I performed my own Glass Removal Auto-Surgery and fixed 'em up with Silvadene and lots of bandaids.

No reimbursement there, because I didn't go to the ER.

What about the debris log I dropped on the foot that needed stitches? I did go to the ER then. $50 copay alone, right there.

No dice. See, it wasn't ON Hurricane Day.

At this point, I gave Dave a Look.

He made sure to explain that he didn't make the rules. They were FEMA's rules whether Dave agreed with them or not. Sometimes this makes people mad, he says, and he has to listen to them abuse him for not letting them game the system. Those welfare people are the worst ones. Plus their homes are stinking messes and it gets to him after a while.

Then he tells them, Hey, I'm here to help you. I'm a contractor, not a government employee, I don't work for FEMA. If you want a government FEMA person to come here and do this, fine. I'll put you on the list. That will take about a year.

I can see that the thought of being mistaken for a federal government employee is quite painful to him.

He measured the house. He said broken windows don't count for much but at least I'd get a little something for them.

Keep all those bandaid receipts, though, just in case. You never know, maybe they'll want to consider them.

FEMA will contact me in 7-10 days.

That was nine days ago.

I gave him a cinnamon roll.