Thursday, May 18, 2006

Snot Factory

In 1991, when I moved back to Florida from Louisiana for the last time, I did really well with the allergies for about six months.

After that, it got downright crazy.

My excellent Shreveport allergist warned me that moving to South Florida - moving anywhere, really - might SOUND better than living in a place called *Allergy Alley.*

--But! Too late!-- he said. --You're already super-sensitized. Wherever you go, after some exposure, you'll sensitize to the local allergens. You'll be good for around 6 months to 2 years, then you may well end up even worse off than you are now.

--Well-- I replied. --Shreveport is not the place for me. And even if it were only 6 months of having a life again, the tradeoff would be worth it to me.

It was.

And also: the doc was right.

So around the 8th month, trying desperately to stay alive in the midst of the most bizarre spiral of new sensitization I've ever experienced or read about, I was lying on the couch talking to a friend of mine on the phone. This guy was a very successful real estate developer I'd known from Chicago, known since I was 21. We thought alike about a lot of business things, and we had some interesting conversations.

I was sneezing and sliming and blowing my nose and trying to keep myself from scratching my itchy eyeballs, and coughing up pieces of lung and stuff.

But the amount of snot coming out of my face was truly remarkable. My friend had beentheredonethat on the snot issue, himself. Didn't bother him to listen to me. I told him, --You know, I think I made around one gallon just in the last hour or so. Really. The garbage can by the sofa was empty and now it's spilling over already.

Surely there's got to be a market for this somewhere...--

4 comments:

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k said...

Wow! You mean I could've laid on that sofa, snotting away uselessly, yet still have *earned* a PhD in 2 weeks instead of wasting my time like that?!?

Somebody needs to call the Fraud Squad on this one.

pepektheassassin said...

ROTFL!!!! ...all that time, WASTED!

k said...

Yeah, and money too! I wonder how much these things cost?...