Friday, May 25, 2012

We have lost Walter.

I must do this.  And so I will.

I am so sad to tell you this.  We have lost my husband, my Walter.  He died from brain cancer April 19.

He had reached a place and time of inner healing, of unexpected peace.  Just beginning, really.  It would have been so good to watch that grow, grow with him, revel in that healing between us.

Long months ago he asked me what my life would be like if he passed away.  I told him.  So he said,  All right.  Then I'll fight it.  I'll fight to live.

No one will ever love me like that again.

I do not want to learn how to be a widow.

I do not want to learn how to keep staring down this incomprehensibly limitless emptiness and still survive.

I told him I would, though.  So I will.

There's more to tell.  Of course.

But this is all I can manage for now.