Friday, May 25, 2012

We have lost Walter.

.
I must do this.  And so I will.

I am so sad to tell you this.  We have lost my husband, my Walter.  He died from brain cancer April 19.

He had reached a place and time of inner healing, of unexpected peace.  Just beginning, really.  It would have been so good to watch that grow, grow with him, revel in that healing between us.

Long months ago he asked me what my life would be like if he passed away.  I told him.  So he said,  All right.  Then I'll fight it.  I'll fight to live.

No one will ever love me like that again.

I do not want to learn how to be a widow.

I do not want to learn how to keep staring down this incomprehensibly limitless emptiness and still survive.

I told him I would, though.  So I will.

There's more to tell.  Of course.

But this is all I can manage for now.
.

13 comments:

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

"I have only slipped into the next room. I am I and you are you. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still." ~ Henry Scott Holland

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

"Someday you may be walking around sad, not knowing what will make you happy or how to get some of it. Sure, time will pass and your emotions will change and I bet you'll feel better, happy even, once again. But if you do know what some of your personal Happy Stuff is, and how to get it, it stands a decent chance of happening quicker and better. Right? Makes sense?" ~ k

Makes sense to me!

LL said...

I am so, so sorry for your loss of Walter. I know you two were peas in a pod.

Joyce Ellen Davis said...

Thinking about you, hoping you are OK. xoxo

Nancy said...

Oh...K...how did I miss this for three weeks...I am so sorry. He was a good man, and we will all muss him.

Pretty Lady said...

Oh k!!! Nancy just told me!!! When are you up for a call? I haven't even checked my PL email. Writing.

Dazd said...

My sincere condolences to you K. God speed Walter.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Cefenix said...

I have no words consoling enough. Just know we are with you and only a click away when you need someone to talk to.
Be well, K.

Mike aka cefenix

Jean said...

Oh no! I am so sorry, k.

Desert Cat said...

K, how are you doing? It has been a while. I have been thinking about you.

Rand Al Thor said...

Me, too!

Rand Al Thor said...

OOops. This is NOT Rand Al Thor...my grandson has been playing with my computer. :D (This is Joyce Ellen Davis AKA Pepek the Assassin)

Desert Cat said...

For those of you monitoring this post via email, there is a new post up--the last post ever, I surmise.