Thursday, July 06, 2006

Another Loss

I was hoping to leave some of these sad topics and be back with my friends and garden and everyday life here.

But not yet.

This one's on me, me and Walter. And some others who knew and loved him, too. He loved my mother and nephew and niece and dad and Sylvia and a little boy named Kaleb...

And if you're among those who think the loss of an animal is nothing? you don't begin to understand what love is really all about.

My old, old cat died last night. He'd been doing better after the kidney infection treatment, but Monday morning he was failing, badly. I spent two days in bed with him, on a death watch. Moved the laptop in, my meds and equipment, all of it.

Finally the doctor was back from the 4th of July holiday, and we saw him yesterday morning, Wednesday.

He didn't think much could be done. He asked me: What do you want to do?

I said, Can we put him on fluids, like we did for his mother April?

Yes. And try some more antibiotics, too.

We did all that. Lots of fluids yesterday morning, and I gave him a big-needle subcutaneous dose last night, too. But in the end nothing could help. He was just a very old cat, in kidney failure, sick and exhausted, and his time was come.

At the very end I could see he was suffering some, and any suffering was far more than I wanted to see. I made myself have nerves of steel for this. The only thing I could think of to do to comfort him was to talk to him and sing to him, his favorite songs I've been singing to him for most of 22 years. And you can't talk or sing right if you're crying.

So I snuggled him up against me, and he pushed his head into my side. Told him stories about how he was born and the funny things he did as a kitten. Such a fine boy! Such a handsome young man! Did you know that you're my faaaavorite kitten in the whooooole world? I put my arm across him, just where he likes, and finally we drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, he was dead.

He's not suffering any more.

He's not suffering any more.

He's not suffering any more.

oh God, please God, I want him back.

13 comments:

Omnibus Driver said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You may find this website helpful: http://www.petloss.com/

Just know in your heart that your kitty is waiting for you just across the Rainbow Bridge. http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm

I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.

PattiG said...

*sniff* I'm so sorry for the loss of your little companion.

Desert Cat said...

I'm sorry k. You did your best for him. And in the end he left without a struggle, in his sleep.

Now is the hardest part. And it may be a while--weeks maybe--before the edge is off your loss.

But he'll be with you in your thoughts and heart forever, and maybe on the other side.

As always, I'll be praying for you my friend.

Nancy said...

It hurts to lose a friend who's been with you so much of your life.

I'm sorry.

Jean said...

So sorry for your loss!
Two of my cats left me in the past several months....both were 20 yrs old....the first one "Pissy" died in bed with me....the second one "Felix" died while I was at work...I did a post about him.... still miss them very much...I have one left "Bubba"....he is 12...and "Corky", my dog, who is 16 and getting weak.

You did everything possible for your baby.......I will be thinking of you.

Jackie said...

I still miss my beautiful Calypso even though it's been 17 years since she's been gone, I can't bring myself to have another cat.I am sorry for your loss

k said...

thank you so much, all of you. it helps. it really does.

i'll answer you in a post instead of here.

pepektheassassin said...

Oh, my, K. I am so sorry. I don't know what else to say. I am thinking of you. When my old kitty was dying of cancer, i went to bed with her, too, and just held her next to me. I hope it helped. anyway, if my tears are any solace, know that I shed them for you and Walter.

Tessa said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty, K. I know how it is to lose a furry family member,and I feel for you and your family.

Cat Lover said...

I've lost two this year, and many more over the years. Having them go in their sleep is actually quite a blessing, when they go peacefully. Making the "other" decision at the vet's office really sucks.

Prayers and condolences.

pepektheassassin said...

I felt that something was wrong. Then I convinced myself you were just out of town for the holidays. I was worried it was you, that you had stubbed another toe, or....

k said...

Yes. Solace, yes.

Pepek, the thing is, I did injure myself again. That's part of what made it harder. He woke up sick on Monday morning, and the vet was out for the holiday. So I moved everything into the bedroom to stay with him for 2 days.

Wednesday the vet was in and I got the fluids and antibiotics. Back home it looked like Baby was finally resting well. I decided to work in the yard so he could just sleep. I'd check on him and he seemed to be sleeping well so I didn't disturb him for several hours. Now, I think I was wrong.

Around 5pm I bent over a traveler's palm and a leaf scratched my cornea. I was okay for a few hours then all hell broke loose, gushing tears and unbelieveable pain. I had to get to the ER, I could lose an eye to an infection in less than 24 hours. No choice. I had to leave my poor cat and go.

So it really was both of us.

Sassy Sistah said...

I am...so very sorry. No matter how many pets we love and lose, it doesn't get any easier. My Felix kitty is about 10 yrs. now and starting to slow down. I hope we have many years left...but when the time comes, I know it will be very difficult. Good thoughtss are with you as you deal with the sadness and grief. Peace...